its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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