I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
