Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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