I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
