I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
