I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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