Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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