best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
