Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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