He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
