I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
