Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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