We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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