I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
