I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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