It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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