Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
