i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
