Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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