i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
