umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's never too late to be topless.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
