The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
