I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
