***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
