you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
