burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
