Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
