I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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