Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
