Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize