i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
