Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
