He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
