I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
