awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
