it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
