that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
