Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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