Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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