I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
