So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
