Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
