Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
