3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
