If i come over, it means nothing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
