im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
