Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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