I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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