cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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