She is in my trunk
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
