people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Randomize