i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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