i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
