My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
