seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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