pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When are your genitals available?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
