I wish I only lived at night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
