Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
