I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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