All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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