Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
