I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
