I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
