wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you. Go after that dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
