Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
