I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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