I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
