hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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