I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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