"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
