I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Quick, to the slutcave!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
