I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
