thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
