He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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