He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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