Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
