So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
