I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
