She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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