So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
