i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
