Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
