I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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